Sometimes, I feel like I have hollowed myself out, as if I was a pumpkin gutted out for Halloween. I have no personality, and I am simply a spectator in the grand scheme of things. But that really isn't true, I have lots of interests, hobbies, and friends. I just don't share them to the public too frequently.

This is a sample of how I view myself compared to my peers in the real world. I get scenarios similar to this when I compare myself to the nonhuman community.

I am faking it, only fiction? So many flickers, you just never learn. You think more of your interactions with other people in the community than spending time introspecting yourself. Foolish, foolish you.

Yet I have always been fictional. "Oh, I'm wearing the same clothes everyday? Just like the main character!" When I was in elementary, and I was too lazy to dress up for Halloween? "Ah, I'm just dressing up as a background character." Everything I do bounces off of works of fiction. Most of the things I do are just because of fiction. I wouldn't be drawing if there wasn't any cool characters to make, and I wouldn't be writing this if I didn't have any fiction to talk about.

And as my fictotypes come and go, while some have stayed since day 1, I still cherish them for the joy they and their sources have brought me. There might be some flickers I don't think about too much anymore, but once in a while I'll always remember "I used to be that guy.". They have all contributed to me and my fictionkin identity, and I've grown from seeing them as roadblocks to references to assist me once I finally find some more dumb things to gawk over.

Accepting myself as a fictionkin polymorph has helped me a lot. I am an amalgamation of fiction, I wouldn't hesitate to just call myself literally fictionkin. Maybe the reason I have felt so hollow over the years is because fiction is considered 'not real'. Fiction isn't real, but how it effects us and makes us think is too real. Fiction has changed me to the point where a large majority of my identity centers around it, or branches off it. Of course, fiction has changed everyone in some way, but the degree it has altered my life is quite frank, on a incredibly large scale compared to the average person.

A fictional amalgamation? Yes. That is me.